A few years ago, I stumbled across the idea of the happiness set point - the notion that each of us has a kind of “default” level of happiness we return to after both ups and downs. Some people bounce back quickly to joy, while others seem stuck in a cloud no matter what good comes their way.


When I first read about it, I thought: So I guess I’m stuck where I am. But as I dug deeper, I discovered something hopeful - while genetics and personality shape part of it, the rest is flexible. With the right habits, you can slowly nudge your set point higher.

Here’s how it played out in my own life.

Gratitude Changed My Lens

At first, I wondered if a gratitude journal might actually work, but I decided to give it a try and jotted down three things I was thankful for each night. Some days it was something big - like finishing a big project. Other days it was just “coffee was delicious” or “traffic was light today.”


It sounds small, but after a few weeks, I noticed a shift. Instead of scanning my day for problems, I began noticing little gifts. My brain was literally retraining itself to focus on the good.


Relationships Made Me Richer


I used to get caught up in work and found myself too busy to connect with friends and family. But loneliness can creep in quietly. One year, I made a resolution to text or call one friend every few days, even if it was just a quick “thinking of you.”

The result was that my relationships deepened, and my baseline happiness soared. There’s something about knowing you’re connected - really connected - that no achievement can replace.

Reframing Struggles with Self-Compassion


I’ve always been hard on myself. If I stumbled, my inner critic was loud! Learning self-compassion was like learning a new language. Instead of berating myself, I started asking: What would I say to a friend in this moment?

That simple shift didn’t make the struggles disappear, but I found myself recovering more quickly. Suddenly, setbacks felt more like detours than dead ends, and I noticed that my thinking became more open and flexible during these stressful times.


Flow Became My Happy Place


There’s one activity that makes me forget time: knitting! When I’m knitting and lost in the pattern, the chatter in my head goes silent. These “flow” moments are my reset button and pull me back into the present.


I realized happiness doesn’t just live in the big milestones. It lives in the small, immersive acts that make you lose yourself in the best way.

 

Taking Care of My Body Lifted My Mind


For years, I underestimated how much sleep and exercise matter. I thought I could out-smart stress, but it turns out I can’t. It wasn’t until I started exercising regularly, eating whole foods, and respecting my sleep schedule that I noticed my mood leveling out.
Turns out, a healthier body sets the stage for a happier mind.

Purpose Made It All Stick


The final piece came when I aligned more of my life with what matters to me. It wasn’t about chasing every pleasure but living in a way that felt meaningful through helping others, writing, and showing up for the people I love. Purpose gave everything else a deeper glow.

Raising the Set Point


Looking back, I see how the small practices of gratitude, relationships, compassion, flow, health, and purpose stacked up. Slowly, my happiness set point rose. Not every day is easy, of course. But the lows don’t drag me down as far, and the highs feel steadier.

If you’ve ever felt stuck at your own set point, take heart. Happiness isn’t just a trait, it’s a practice. And with practice, it grows.

Maybe tonight you could start with one thing you’re grateful for. That’s how it began for me. Who knows where it could take you?

Laura Cavaliero

Laura Cavaliero

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